Embarassing Myself And Loving It

So, The Amazon came to visit this past weekend. We’ve been talking about getting together in person a lot since we’ve reconnected and I’ve been really looking forward to it. After some delays, namely her going to Cancun to recharge herself after all of her recent big life changes, she decided that she was going to use the fact she had an interview a few hours north to keep heading North and come visit me. I’d like to think that she would have made the trip anyway, but ultimately I didn’t care about the particulars. I was convinced it was going to be good to see her.

Boy, was I wrong. It wasn’t good to see her. It wasn’t anything CLOSE to good. It was fucking fantastic.

Now, because I’m me and I’ve got a history over-thinking things, there were a few moments I’d like to have back this weekend. But the lessons of ‘its okay not to expect or be prepared for everything that is going to happen’ have been well learned. Plus, it is like The Amazon said herself more than once this weekend, “I’m just going with the flow…”

She arrived Friday night and I probably spent the first two hours with “Wow, this is so odd and so cool.” It is one thing to reconnect with someone from you past over a distance. Skype and it’s video chat cut out some of the surprise as we’d gotten the chance to see each other in something other than blurry online pictures weeks ago. That’s all well and good, but you cannot underestimate the importance of actual contact with another person. From the moment I hugged her and helped take her bags, that little mantra was going through my head along with questions about if her laugh was always that way, how cool and laid back she is and the small amount of pride I had in remembering the color of her eyes.

But enough of that crap, let’s talk about me making an ass out of myself. Thor and Sif wound up joining us for dinner and drinks and we had a great time, especially when the soberest guy at the table almost killed himself by falling off his stool at the bar. Couple that with smacking my head on a long hanging TV and I’m sure all three of them got a kick out of my lack of grace. The good company made the humiliation easy to take. The Amazon got to see the rest of my goofiness (stumbling over my words, getting us mildly lost on the way to the Indian place and getting more than mildly lost while trying to find the car…) all by herself.

Saturday came and I made breakfast for The Amazon and myself and then it was off into D.C. It should be no surprise that The Amazon is very forthright in many things (not all, but most. At least from what I could tell), so she promptly urged us into action. Conversation, food and alcohol (a LOT of alcohol) flowed all day. From noon until midnight. In a pub, three restaurants and a movie theater we sampled tasty libations, amazing food, chatted with friendly wait staff (The Amazon’s iPhone being a great icebreaker) and talked. For two people who’d been talking most nights for the past two months, we still had a lot to say.

[Complete sidenote: I'm WAY out of practice when it comes to drinking. If I don't stick with one type of drink and drink consistently, I'm paying for it the next day. As a semi-self respecting writer with Irish in his blood, part of me feels like I need a few benders to get in practice. I'll have to consider my options.]

By the time Sunday morning came and I walked her to her car, I still wanted to talk and hang out, but also wanted to sleep and rest (that plan failed… ), but she lives in North Carolina, so it’ll be a few weeks at the earliest before I see her in person again.

I’ve only got two regrets about the weekend.

One, was the small bit of over-thinking that crept back into my head. I was only somewhat unfair to myself, but it did feel like a reintroduction. As much as I wanted to ignore it, a reminder kept hopping up onto the bar and flashing itself across my eyes. That while I know this woman again, I can’t assume anything. Sure, we’ve had a tremendous time talking and writing back and forth, but being around someone in person is always different. Body language, verbal cues and even just different vibes you can get… you need to establish a baseline with people. And with the Amazon, bridging our distance and recent histories, I didn’t want to assume anything. We could have easily spent time together and realized “This is an email and casual conversation acquaintance. Not a go to visit, spend all day talking and on an adventure friend.” For my money, I’m glad we feel into the latter category.

The other regret is that I checked my voice-mail on Saturday night right before the movie started. I know it threw me off for the rest of the night and likely into Sunday morning. More on that later…

Even so, I had a fantastic weekend with someone I can’t wait to see again. Only this time, I hopefully won’t get lost on the way back to the car. The price of stupidity that evening was reasonable and still has me laughing at myself days later.

R.I.P. Gary Gygax

Odds are decent that if you know me, you can understand why the fact Gary Gygax died today actually means something to me.

Mr. Gygax was one of the co-creators for Dungeons and Dragons.

Okay, stop. If you just snickered or rolled your eyes, I want to talk to you directly. Don’t look at me in that tone of voice. Put aside your bias and think for a second. Anyone who didn’t make a snide comment in their head is excused and should come back for the next post (which should be much more interesting… especially if you like stories of me making an ass of myself. For the rest of you, keep reading.

I don’t care what you think about D&D, or gaming or anything geek related at the moment.  I could argue about how fun it is until I’m blue in the face. But D&D was only partly about the game or the characters or any of the rules that allowed you to play.

For me, it was about two things.

One, was spending time with people who were my friends. Yes, I was a geek and still am. And that was part of it. But I didn’t start playing because I couldn’t find friends. I started playing because I wanted to hang out with my older brothers. I was 8 and they were 16 and 20 respectively and naturally I thought they were both the coolest people on the planet. So when they started to let me play (after hounding them for weeks) I felt amazingly adult. Sure, they abused me and my characters, but I was playing with the older kids. So, I never thought of it as something social rejects did. Not until junior high. And by then it was too late.

In my gaming lifetime, I’ve played with lots of different people. My D&D table has hosted lonely social outcasts, band geeks, football players, a few star track players, a couple of math prodigies and lots of drama people. And that doesn’t count college. And once I got to college, the table expanded to include an even wider array of players, including geek girls who often wound up being the best players.  Still, for the most part, the game was secondary. Sure, we obsessed over characters and figuring out the mysteries that were being put forth by whoever was running the game, but it was just an excuse to get together and have a good time with friends, escaping a little bit into another world.

Which ties to the second thing D&D helped me with in my life. Imagination. It was never the only outlet I had: My Geekdom is well rounded enough to include comic books, movies, tv, novels, poetry, music and tons of other sources. But gaming, D&D specifically, was in the mix, part of the creative palette that began with simply making characters based on my friends and family and evolved as my tastes and experience have.

Gygax my not be as widely known as other modern gatekeepers of imagination, but trust me, D&D has had its effect on pop culture over the last 30 years, even if you don’t know it.

I don’t play anymore. Not since I moved away from New England and the games that Uber-Geek, Fortunate Son and Midwest were running. I still check in with them and the other players in our group (all of whom are part of the Misfit Toys crowd) to see how the game is going. Sadly, it seems like there’s a chance most of us will stop playing. Fortunate Son is moving to NY with IT Goddess and their having a child. Midwest and his wife are also expecting. Uber-Geek… well, I don’t think he’ll ever stop playing, but it feels like that era of my life was closing even before this happened.

But I only vaguely remember the battles that were fought or the items we looted from castles and ruins. I remember staying up all hours during college and playing. I remember using the picnic tables at Starkey Elementary as both places to play D&D (when we weren’t playing basketball) in high school because it was a good midway point for all the players. I remember teaching D&D to several girlfriends with varying degrees of success and finding that they’re willingness to humor me and learn about my hobbies was often a good indicator as to how accepting they were as a person overall.

So, I offer up my thanks to Mr. Gygax for the game he helped create. It has translated from table tops to video games, to comic books, cartoons and movies. And helped a generation develop and mature, but not necessarily grow up.

Now, about this past weekend…