‘I Feel Fine I Guess, Considering Everything’s A Mess’

When it rains, it might as well be a tsunami.

I’ve never been this calm when I’ve been so completely screwed. Then again I don’t think I’ve been this screwed before. What’s that saying about being fearless when you have nothing left to lose?

Wishing I Was There, Part Deux

So, Uber-Geek and Uber-Geekette got married Sunday. It was a great time, from everything I’ve heard from various members of the Misfit Toys. Unfortunately I didn’t make it to another wedding this summer because of, well, everything.

Too much going on in terms of employment opportunities and not enough going on in terms of financial stability. Which is a very reasonable and legitimate excuse, especially if you consider all the changes that I’ve made in recent weeks. RI is a 7-9 hour drive instead of a 4 hour one, so quick trips just aren’t going to happen. So it makes a lot of sense that I didn’t have the capability to get there at the last minute.

That makes it that much more difficult. Forget the fact that I miss another pair of friends dedicate their love to one another. Or that I miss out on seeing virtually all of my best friends in the world, including a small child to whom I’m the 3rd greatest person in the world, behind his parents. I’m not a parent, but since this is the closest I’ve come to the unconditional love of a child and its something that you don’t realize how much it means to you until you’re without it. When a child sees you across a house full of 20 plus people (all of whom love this little sprite and his baby brother), breaks into a Hollywood-worthy grin and tears across the house at a full toddler gallop because he’s just so damn happy to see you… it makes me understand why fatherhood is a great job. I’m just the kid’s uncle (kinda) and it makes me beam with joy. But missing out on that and the love and support of the rest of my third family isn’t what really bugs me about the whole thing.  

Let’s focus on the fact that the Uber-Geeks (they are officially coupled now) have been amongst my biggest supporters recently. A thankfully crowded list, but it isn’t just the fact they were there, it was the way the were supportive, Uber-Geek in particular. I love the guy, but he’s an enabler in a lot of ways. If you’re looking for an excuse to slack, eat something bad for you, buy that new game system, see that cheesy movie, name your vice, he’s your guy.

He’s also not the most subtle person I’ve ever met. Now, my glass house has plenty of broken windows on that one, but it’s part of his charm.

So when everything started to get real (as in big and bad) about the move and my relationship with The Heroine, my tactless friend stepped up.

“You’ll make this work. I know you will. Money and security are great motivators, and that will help. But nothing motivates you like love.”

If that wasn’t enough to stun me, the next day (still talking about what I needed to do for myself, my girl and our relationship, he offers this pearl of wisdom and support.

“You’ve been working so hard to show her you’re a great partner in terms of the emotional side of the relationship. Now you’ve got remind her, and yourself, that this past year was a fluke when it comes to the practical side of things. Remind everyone that you are the guy we know you are.”

After the break-up, but well before the Shockwave hit, I looked at things with a fairly clinical eye and said to him “You’ve been a godsend in all this.” He laughed and remarked, “I know. It’s what you needed. I’m an asshole most of the time, but when my friends need me, I know what to do.”

In that moment, thinking about all that he and his now wife were doing for me and all that he’s gone through with losing his mother this year and all the questions I know he was facing in the wake of that kind of lost, I was honored to call him my friend.

So to you both, since I know you’ve got the url for this blog and I’d like to think show up from time to time, I offer my deepest congratulations and my wishes for a long and healthy life for you both.

When Geeks get Older

Yes, I know. I need to talk more about what happened last week. I’m getting to that. In the meantime…

I did something the other week that was a watershed moment for me. Naturally, it got lost in the jumble of my life here in Chaos Community. It feels like whether I mean to or not, everything is on a delay here. Maybe I’m just noticing things more now that I have the time and the willingness to look around. Yeah, yeah, I know…

What I’m talking about in this case is a trip I made to the nearby branch of a game store chain. They may use different names, but its all the same chain really. Duffel bag slung over my shoulder, the goofy guy behind the counter didn’t bat an eye when I said hello and that I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to trade in for credit. Out came my original Xbox, my PS2 and more than half a dozen games across those systems as well as the Gamecube.

There wasn’t any game out at the moment that I wanted, so when he rang me up with roughly $100 in credit, I quickly bought a new controller, a charger and some battery packs for the 360. And, as required by Geek Law, I put down $10 to reserve my copy of Halo 3. He tried to pitch me pre-orders for a bunch of racing and fighting games I didn’t care about (though I am eager for Mass Effect and Assassin’s Creed), I politely declined and left, continuing my day of shopping and prepping my new apartment before I started my new job the following day.

No big deal. Until Wednesday night. Wednesday night is Halo 2 night in my circle of Geeky and Geek-Light friends. It evolved out of a weekly poker and/or Halo night that we had in Boston several years after college back when it was just Halo and you had to connect the boxes directly. As we got older, got lives, got women and moved beyond driving distance from each other, Halo 2 and its online play allowed us to continue our gatherings. With 20 or so people scattered across the country and the world, Wednesday nights let us not only game but have voice-over chats and catch up on who was getting married, having kids, finding new jobs and all the adult stuff that gets in the way of important geekery.

However this was the last Halo 2 night. Halo 3, all praise the huge amounts of gamer ass it will kick, comes out on Tuesday and a good 85% of our group have 360’s or will be getting one in short order. For the 15% who aren’t making the leap, this was the last hurrah. Now, don’t get me wrong. For my friends who aren’t making the jump, like Theory and BusinessGuy, it isn’t like I’ll never see or hear from them again. But after five years, it was a little sad. Of course, since we were men playing like boys we just gave them a bunch of shit for not being cool enough or being too cheap to buy the new system.

At the end of the night just after I signed off (having just had an interesting conversation with The Commish about a possible football trade), I started to clean up the 360 when I realized.

I only have one game system now.

Going back to before college, I’ve had more than one form of video game entertainment. Through the various incarnations of Nintendo and Sega systems as a kid to when I started buying the systems myself in college, I’ve always had options. Nintendo and Sony had negative effects on my studies in college even though they provided the means for us to have various sports and fighting tournaments. I made sure that when I moved out of my three bedroom place and into my little studio in Boston post-college that I had enough outlets to plug in my TV, PS1, Dreamcast and N64. Even while unemployed in AC I still managed to upgrade my TV and video game abilities with the PS2 and the Gamecube. The Xbox came late to my home, but it has traveled well across New England.

Now, I’m down to one system. Sure, I’ve still got some games for my Mac, but I rarely play those (since they’re all HUGE time-suck games like Civ IV) and have better things to use my computer for at this point.

This might not seem like a big deal, but for someone who’s been a geek all his life, it is pretty significant. Its like when I stopped collecting comic books. Sure, I still have 1600 of them taking up space at my family’s house and I will still obsess over comic characters in various forms of media. But not like I did before. And its not to say that I’m still not going to spend too much time with certain games. Halo 3 is gonna rule my life after work this week. Thank god for new friends at work who want to take me out to happy hour, thank god for the Mighty who I’m going to hang out with next weekend and thank god for TiVo since all the good new shows are back.

But, while my tangents threaten to take me away, I did have a point here. I’m always going to enjoy the chance to leap into another world. Sometimes it is simply to escape. Other times it will be to use that movie or show or game or book as a way of looking at myself and the world around me. Of this I’m sure. Just as I’m sure of two other things now.

That there’s so much of my life that I’m getting to enjoy that has nothing to do with anything electronic and has a great deal to do with looking at myself and other people.

And more importantly… most importantly… I’d much rather put effort into creating worlds for others to visit.